He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
