i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
