how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
