I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I want is dick and wine.
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