i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
