I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
