Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
