one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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