Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
