I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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