can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
