just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's great music for shaving your balls
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
