So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
