hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
