I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
