im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
