Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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