good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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