i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
