Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
