You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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