I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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