Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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