I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
