How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
