Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
