Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My balls are so social today.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
