I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
