I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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