So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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