I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
