I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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