A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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