i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
