he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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