We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
