we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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