hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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