Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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