Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
