My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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