How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
