just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
