I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
