Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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