can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
