Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
