Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
