Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
