puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
