Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
