Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I looked at my own cervix.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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