His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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