When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
