Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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