would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
