He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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