What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize