Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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