College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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