He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
