Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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