YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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