he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
