I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Green mimosas i think yes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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