you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
