We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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