we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
