i permit you to call me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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