I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
