Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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