I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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