you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
