I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
