my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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