I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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