She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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