She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are leaves in my underwear?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
