its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat