a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
