OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
