Texts From Last Night

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  (510): View more from California

  I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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  (510): I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edrh
  Replies (13) Good night (1566) Bad night (4450)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

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  (541): To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever. http://tfl.nu/9nwk
  Replies (7) Good night (1005) Bad night (3408)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.

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  (337): Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night. http://tfl.nu/5kyl
  Replies (36) Good night (6805) Bad night (2471)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.

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  (713): He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off. http://tfl.nu/azk9
  Replies (8) Good night (752) Bad night (2255)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.

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  (402): Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house. http://tfl.nu/lo56
  Replies (8) Good night (2043) Bad night (1194)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.

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  (309): It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise. http://tfl.nu/xykk
  Replies (5) Good night (2084) Bad night (1209)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
  Replies (9) Good night (2096) Bad night (1361)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...

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  (908): Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again... http://tfl.nu/evlz
  Replies (8) Good night (1424) Bad night (841)
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  (831): View more from California

  i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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  (831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv
  Replies (8) Good night (1648) Bad night (642)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x

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  (503): I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x http://tfl.nu/uq2x
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (401)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.

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  (914): She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch. http://tfl.nu/fvbm
  Replies (7) Good night (1294) Bad night (461)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.

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  (724): I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober. http://tfl.nu/htfr
  Replies (1) Good night (743) Bad night (344)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet

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  (720): Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet http://tfl.nu/1g40
  Replies (4) Good night (1146) Bad night (284)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths

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  (407): someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths http://tfl.nu/lsy3
  Replies (0) Good night (387) Bad night (197)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.

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  (413): So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/fq23
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (371)

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