So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.