mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.