Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

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  (503): Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve. http://tfl.nu/pov9
  Replies (21) Good night (4908) Bad night (1280)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
  Replies (6) Good night (4958) Bad night (936)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

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  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3292) Bad night (4033)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!

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  (931): After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night. (1-931): That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man! http://tfl.nu/4819
  Replies (17) Good night (981) Bad night (4630)
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  (619): View more from California

  He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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  (619): He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated. http://tfl.nu/4d8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2488) Bad night (1104)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.

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  (513): Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through. http://tfl.nu/9dxn
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (1712)
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  (510): View more from California

  God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.

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  (510): God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars. http://tfl.nu/alo4
  Replies (9) Good night (2905) Bad night (776)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.

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  (508): It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode. http://tfl.nu/vudg
  Replies (4) Good night (2339) Bad night (571)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.

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  (205): This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/uwhu
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (1997)
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  (646): View more from New York

  The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help

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  (646): The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help http://tfl.nu/rosq
  Replies (6) Good night (429) Bad night (995)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

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  (414): No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/kebr
  Replies (0) Good night (966) Bad night (254)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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  (305): I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob. http://tfl.nu/2wm2
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (358)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.

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  (705): I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn. http://tfl.nu/ki2i
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (469)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a bottle to be chill

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  and meant it

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  (604): I just told a bottle to be chill (604): and meant it http://tfl.nu/uxaa
  Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (200)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?

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  (301): there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night? http://tfl.nu/hxw0
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (350)

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