My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize