I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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